I was recently featured in the August/September 2019 issue of St. Augustine Social Magazine, discussing the challenges of navigating teenagers and technology. Drawing on my experience as a therapist and expert, I shared insights into the effects of technology on a developing brain. Here’s a glimpse of my advice, with a link to the full issue for more.
Navigating the World of Teen & Tech
Since 2000, Melissa Muller of Well Spring Counseling and Health has been working with children, adolescents, and families. So she’s been right in the middle of the ever-expanding world of technology and its new challenges. As our culture changes and technology becomes more and more a constant part of our lives, Melissa offered some advice in our August/September issue on fostering a healthy relationship between you, your kids, and their devices. Hoping to learn a little more? Here’s the rest of our interview.
Social: Are there any effects of technology usage on child development?
Melissa: It is when technology limits are lacking, when content is purposeless and inappropriate that we potentially see negative effects in social, academic, and psychological areas of development. When technology is used as a babysitter, as a distraction, or as a calming technique children may not learn to self-regulate or to manage their own emotions. Technology can become an unhealthy coping skill which makes it difficult to learn healthy ones. I see this a lot in adolescents.
Social: With the rise of smartphones and social media use, has there also been a rise in teen behavior and mental health issues?
Melissa: Some studies show that a factor in the development of these is overuse of technology. Children and teens are staying inside on technology which has changed the way they socialize. Overuse causes isolation which can lead to depression and anxiety or can exacerbate mental health disorders.
Social: Are social media platforms like Instagram and Snapchat really that dangerous for teenagers?
Melissa: Social media is akin to what going to the mall used to be. Some studies have shown of the top social media platforms, Instagram and Snapchat do the most damage to teen’s mental health because they make a teen feel left out when posts show groups of teens hanging out together. This may cause isolation and depression and makes individuals compare themselves to others unrealistically. Yes, there are dangers on these platforms.
Social: What are some ways that parents can help their children manage and deal with negative experiences – like bullying – online?
Melissa: Prior to children using technology independently it is important to talk to kids aboutcyberbullying. Let them know if it happens, they can and should come to you and that you will help them find a solution. Children may experience shame and embarrassment when cyberbullying happens. If you have talked to them about it, they may feel more comfortable coming to you if it happens.
If it does happen to your child, reassure them with love and support. Have them take a tech break and sign off all technology accounts. Tell them not to respond or retaliate to the bullies as this may make it worse. Bullies try to isolate their victims, so encourage your child to seek support from friends and trusted adults. Make sure to block the bullies on phones and on all accounts.
Social: What conversations should parents be having with their kids about technology and the Internet?
Melissa: View content together and talk openly about the dangers of what they may come across on the Internet. Kids need to be aware of the dangers on the Internet as soon as they can navigate it independently. I always believe healthy communication can head off and solve problems in lots of areas of life, this is also true for the Internet. Adolescents need to be continually reminded that what they put out on the Internet is never private. Whatever they put out there, even with privacy settings, becomes a part of their digital footprint and may follow them forever. This includes inappropriate texts and photos.
Social: What are behavior signals parents can look for in their teens that might indicate unhealthy smartphone / social media use?
Melissa: Signs parents can watch for in their kids include – a need to escape, isolating with technology, changes in routine behaviors, lying about technology usage, breaking technology rules, anxiety over relationships, withdrawing from activities in favor of technology usage, irritability when use is restricted, neglecting sleep to be on technology, a slip in grades, and changes in self-care. As parents, be sure to set and enforce technology rules, do not allow usage in private areas of the home, and monitor your teen’s social media accounts.
Social: How should I approach the subject of unhealthy social media consumption with my teen without causing WWIII?
Melissa: Begin to talk to your kids about technology when they are young. Do not make this topic taboo. Make it an ongoing and open conversation. Let your teen show you what he or she knows about technology. Let them know you will be monitoring them. I believe in and encourage healthy family meetings regularly. Make technology and social media an open and ongoing topic at these meetings. This is a great way to foster healthy and open communication with everyone in the family participating in the conversation.
Social: Do you have any age-related guidelines for when a child should have access to technology (whether that’s access to yours or buying them something of their own)?
Melissa: There most definitely should be limits on children’s screen times. Technology has changed our world! It is unavoidable today that our children will use technology, but they do need to have some guidance in the tech habits they will develop. Kids need and expect structure and limits. This is an important area to be sure limits are set. There should be different limits for different ages.
Children birth to two years old do not need any technology. Screens at this age should be limited to talking to family on FaceTime or video. Developmentally, children at this age are working on social development and healthy attachments. When children of this age are not connected to technology, they have more time to play, explore the world around them, and develop healthy attachments to others. Instead of screen time read to them, do projects, or explore using all their senses.
Click here to read the full issue of St. Augustine Social.
If you need help navigating the world of teens and technology, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Contact me to learn how to start the discussion with your child.
In Kindness,
MM