In life, we often carry a basket filled with “rocks” of resentment—each one representing a past hurt, betrayal, or disappointment. I love the image of a basket because it’s a simple way to think about all the weight we hold onto without even realizing it. How full is your basket of “rocks”? If your basket is heavy with old resentments, it can affect your mood, your relationships, and your overall mental health. Over time, the weight of those rocks can make it harder to move forward and enjoy the life you deserve.
One of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves is to actively work to let go of resentment. When we empty some of those heavy rocks from our basket, we create space for more peace, joy, and connection. Letting go isn’t always easy, but it is possible—and it’s worth the effort.
Here are a few ways to begin the process of letting go of resentment:
- Write a letter to the person you’re holding resentment toward. You don’t have to send it—just writing it can be healing. Then read it to a trusted friend, counselor, or therapist, and destroy it afterward (burn it, shred it, or toss it away).
- Talk to yourself kindly. Remind yourself that staying in the present is more important than holding onto past hurts.
- Look for the silver lining in the experience. What did it teach you? How did it shape you?
- Make a list of the positives you will gain when you let go of resentment—peace of mind, better health, stronger relationships.
- Rewrite the story. Imagine a different, more empowering ending to the situation.
- Hold a small ceremony, alone or with a loved one, to symbolize letting go.
As the writer Anne Lamott says, “Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” Holding onto resentment hurts us far more than it hurts the person we are resenting.
If you need more ideas or support, I recommend visiting Psychology Today’s guide to forgiveness for some additional insights. And of course, if you find it hard to let go of resentment on your own, reaching out for help can make all the difference. If you would like support in lightening your load, please feel free to contact me to schedule an appointment.
In Kindness,
MM