Suzy’s Story

One particular individual I was working with, we will call her Suzy, was holding onto many of these negatives. She reported feeling angry a substantial amount of her days. She had been experiencing depression for many months.  She was experiencing headaches and stomachaches for which the medical doctor could find no medical explanation.  We tried several different techniques to have her understand the benefits of letting go of the heavy burdens she was carrying with her.  One day I decided to try something new.  I showed her a jar of rocks I kept in my office. The rocks were approximately three inches around.  I asked her to pick a rock for each negative or resentment she was holding onto.  One by one, she picked eight.  For each rock she explained what she was holding onto and why.  I asked her if she was ready to let any of them go and she said she didn’t think she was.  At that point I asked her to put all of the rocks in her purse.  She looked at me with a shocked look.  “Do you know how heavy this purse is?” She asked me.  I stated it would be much heavier now with eight burden rocks in it.  I instructed her to keep the rocks in her purse until she had another appointment with me.  At the end of the session she begrudgingly left my office, purse and rocks in tow.

A week later she returned for another session and explained the trials and tribulations of carrying all the extra weight in her purse.  This had also been a week of travel.  She explained the difficulties of having the rocks while traveling through airport security, when walking on her trip, and when accidentally pulling a rock out instead of her wallet to pay for something.  Although she laughed while explaining there was also a hint of annoyance and frustration at having carried these rocks through multiple states.  We talked about the symbolic burden of the carrying the rocks and the resentments.  Although the exercise was hard she stated she was not yet ready to let go of any of the negatives and/or resentments. At the end of the session she again, left with eight rocks in her purse.

Over the next several sessions we worked through finding a way to help her let go of her rocks/burdens. She wrote letters to those she was mad at and read them in session.  (She did not share these letters with the individuals to whom she had written the letters because the letting go was intended for herself improvement.)  We processed the emotions associated with her holding onto these burdens.  There was significant hurt, sadness, anger, frustration, and loneliness. We used guided visualization to allow her to see how life would be different when she let go.  We wrote mantras for her to say about forgiveness such as: Forgiveness is for me.  Forgiving means to forgive, not to forget.  I will be lighter when I let go.  

Eventually, one by one, she was ready to let go.  Over several weeks she unloaded one to three rocks per session.  I watched as she claimed her purse was lighter and so was her body. Her headaches and stomachaches had dissipated.  Her mood and affect had improved and she reported significantly less depression. She laughed more easily, she spoke more positively and overall, was finding more joy in life!

Sometimes, in therapy, we need to think out of the box and devise activities to make a different kind of impression than just talking through problems.  In this case, the rock exercise succeeded where the talk therapy had stalled.  Surely, I will use this activity in the future!

Melissa Muller is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in St. Augustine, FL.  Melissa works with families, adolescents, couples and individuals.  Melissa has specializations in treating adolescents, eating disorders, trauma, and sexual addictions. In addition she enjoys working with the LGBT community.  She often works with families in the crisis of divorce to make the transition as healthy as possible for both the children and the adults in the family.

Call or Contact Me for your appointment today (904) 595-6840.