In the journey towards change, we often find ourselves longing for our loved ones to join us on the path of transformation. Yet, the reality may be that they remain in denial, unaware of the problem that holds them back. This is a common struggle, particularly when dealing with substance abuse or other addictions. Understanding the Stages of Change model developed by Carlo DiClemente can grant us insight into the readiness for change.
DiClemente’s Stages of Change Include:
1. Pre-Contemplation – Denial: “I don’t have a problem.” Here the individual is unable to admit there is a problem and is not ready for change.
2. Contemplation: “Yes, I may have a problem but I don’t want to do anything about it. “
3. Preparation: “Yes, I have a problem and I am ready to make some changes.”
4. Action: Making changes – The individual works on change.
5. Maintenance: Maintaining the changes. This takes effort and attention so the individual will not relapse into the problem behavior.
Putting it to use in therapy
I often use this model in therapy. I explain the stages to the client or clients. They are then able to identify which stage they are in. If I am talking about making changes and the individual is in the pre-contemplation stage we will completely miss each other, making it frustrating for both parties.
If I am seeing an individual who has a partner or loved one who has a problem that is affecting the relationship, I teach the stages of change. The individual is then able to understand why their loved one may be so reluctant to make changes.
Yes, it is true, if we push someone to make changes and that individual is not ready to make changes all will be frustrated. This is why we back away from loved ones who aren’t asking for our help. We need to take care of ourselves, when our loved one is not ready to make the needed changes.
John’s Story
John was consuming so much alcohol that he was irritable and unapproachable by 8:00pm overnight. His children knew not to talk to him at night. His wife had to wake him to go to bed after he passed out on the couch, nightly. CeCe, hi wife, was pressuring John to quit drinking. John was in the pre-contemplation stage, denial. “I do not have a problem. Stop nagging me!” John would yell at his wife.
In therapy, CeCe told me about John’s drinking. I explained the stages of change and she was able to see that John was not ready to make changes. We talked about taking care of herself and not focusing on John. She decided if he didn’t see his problem soon it would be a deal breaker for her.
Vic’s Story
When Vic came to my office he was struggling with a porn addiction. He stated he was so tired of being a slave to his addiction that it was affecting his work, and his relationship with his wife. He told me he was so ashamed of himself for not being able to kick the addiction. I guessed Vic was in the Preparation stage and when I explained the stages to him he agreed. He admitted he had a big problem and was ready to make changes. Vic was able to work towards health at a good pace because he and I both agreed he was ready and worked on taking action, making the changes he needed to. Vic was able to get into recovery for his addiction and continued to meet with me while in the Maintenance stage, maintaining the changes.
Throughout my career, I’ve found the Stages of Change to be a guiding light, both personally and professionally. I’m always filled with hope, knowing I can help others navigate these stages and make positive changes in their lives. If you’re looking for support to make these changes, I’m here for you. Please reach out, and let’s embark on this journey together.
In Kindness,
MM