Although I have seen many individuals with sexual addictions in my practice, over the years, I recently gained the certification to treat sexual addiction. Currently, I am working with many individuals who suffer from sexual addiction and also working with partners of the individuals with sexual addiction.
Frequently, it is the partner who comes to me first following discovery of something they are sure is very wrong with their marriage or relationship. Recently, I had a young woman come to my office who reported she was sure her husband was having an affair. She told me she was 100% sure of it. She explained she could hear him talking on his phone when he believes she isn’t listening. She observed him sneaking out to the garage or for a walk at odd times. She checked their credit card statement and discovered; he had charges to hotel rooms many times a month, charges to Internet sites she had discovered to be porn sites, and the Internet bill had been extremely high because of a high content of downloading. When she researched a bit deeper she found her husband had a cell phone she did not know about. When she looked through it she was shocked to see photos of many naked women in risqué poses. There were at least 100 numbers of women she did not know in the contacts. There were multiple, ongoing texting sexual conversations. By the time this women entered my office she was emotional distraught. She had confronted her husband who had denied all of the discoveries, giving extravagant explanations for each item she confronted him with. This is a story I hear frequently with varied details but most of the time with the partner denying the behaviors adamantly.
Treating Sexual Addiction
The first step of treating a sexual addiction begins with breaking through the denial and having the individual admit to the addiction. Sometimes this happens right away and sometimes it takes longer. Once the addict admits to the sexual addiction the real treatment can begin.
I work with both partners of the couple and also with the children of the family who are affected by their parent’s problem. Despite the challenges, recovery from sexual addiction is achievable, offering a path to restoring health to families and relationships affected by this issue.
Signs that an individual may have a sexual addiction include:
- Internet usage including visits to porn sites, chat rooms, and sexual hook up sites.
- Secret cell phones or computers.
- Charges on credit cards to hotels, massage parlors, and Internet sites.
- Excessive, secretive computer and/or phone use.
- Discovering cards, phone numbers, matches from strip clubs, etc. in pockets and automobiles.
- Your partner encourages you to do things on your own.
- Unaccountable time.
- Little to no intimacy during sex.
- Increasing dishonesty.
- A lack of emotional availability in your partner.
Sexual addiction is very similar to any other addiction. The behavior becomes compulsive and escalates, even when faced with the consequences of their behavior, individuals with sexual addiction find it hard to resist their compulsive urges, leading to escalating problems. The addict cannot resist the sexual impulses which cause severe problems for the individual and his or her family. The development of sexual addiction is influenced by a complex interplay of biological, social, familial, and societal factors unique to each individual. Treatment involves several different approaches and facets. There is hope in treatment for the families who are experiencing the pain involved in sexual addiction. The first step is reaching out for help.
If you or your spouse are suffering from sexual addiction, there is help. Contact me to discuss treatment options.
In Kindness,
MM